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Friday, March 30, 2007

LOTRO Announces One Million Open Beta Accounts: A Play In One Act By Kunochan

Bilbo Baggins: Master Elrond! Master Elrond!

Elrond Halfelven: Not now, my little friend. I am composing an history of the First Age, that fails to mention Túrin Turimbar. So as to be less depressing. Also, the bit with the dragon is a bit much.

Bilbo: But Master Elrond! Rivendell is overrun by strangers! And they have odd, non-Endorian names, like "HarryPotter1217" and "Arwensaslut!"

Elrond: Yes, I am well aware, my Periannath friend. Naught occurs in Imladris without my knowledge.

Bilbo: But there are thousands of them! Many many thousands! Eleventy-hundred thousand!

Elrond: Ah, your Hobbitish innumeracy amuses me. But there are in fact one million visitors, Mr. Baggins. They have taken advantage of Turbine's "Lord of the Rings Online" Open Beta offer.

Bilbo: Huh?

Elrond: From April 6th to April 24th, anyone can get one of one million open beta keys, and play. Of course, one must purchase a copy of "PC Gamer" or sign up on the GameSpot website in order to obtain such a key.

Bilbo: I do not understand you, Master. Have you lapsed into Quenya?

Elrond: No, no, my diminutive gastronome. But my wife left me, and traveled into the West, 510 years ago. And the loneliness and sexual frustration may have driven me mad.

Arwen Evenstar: You're sexually frustrated? I'm 2,777 years old, and I'm still a virgin! And you won't even let me screw my boyfriend!

Elrond: My darling daughter, perhaps we can discuss this later...

Arwen: And I pre-ordered! When do I get into the beta?

Elrond: Why, today, I believe, my daughter.

Arwen: Oh! Nice! I bother to pre-order, and I get a one week lead on the rest of the planet! And my box hasn't even arrived yet!

Bilbo: Please do not fight! It aggravates my incontinence!

Arwen: And speaking of my box, I'm going to my room. I think the "evenstar" needs some "polishing." [Exits.]

Bilbo: Curses. I have soiled my trousers.

Elrond: Sigh. I should have volunteered to be King of Númenor. I would be dead, but I would be happy. [Exeunt.]


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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Legiticorp's MMO pitch

Regrets for not posting more, folks - but I'm in one of the original multi-player games, a theatrical production! No time for gaming, it's all singing and dancing for me. Still, this clip from "Attack of the Show" was topical and darned funny - clueless pitchmen trying to interest backers in their awful MMO ideas.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Hilarious German Web Terms

This is from a translation of a German article, giving funny definitions of web terms. Definitely worth a read.
MySpace was founded by the music industry and is the largest MMORPG in the world. Kind of like World of Warcraft, but the graphics suck. Everybody who can make up a nickname for himself may join. The goal is to add as many other players (called "friends") as possible to your own profile. The winner is the player with the most "friends". If you leave the game or get kicked out, you also lose all your friends.

Second Life
Second Life is a virtual swinger club for journalists. The platform is financed by the big media conglomerates of the world with the goal to replace editorial staff restaurants, work outings and conference rooms. And also to finally allow sexual harassment at work to the unemployed.
Via Hitchhiker's Guide to the Web.

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Friday, March 9, 2007

Now Hiring: MMORPG Consultants?

The March 2007 dead-tree edition of Popular Science magazine has a feature called "Help Wanted: A peek at the classifieds circa 2017."

In addition to "Robot Personality Engineer," "Pre-Birth Design Counselor" and "Smart Car Mechanic," there's a listing for "MMORPG Consultant."
Doing business in the real world is so 2013. Our company needs a consultant to completely overhaul or massively multiplayer online role-playing operations. Help us create new product designs, improve our A2A (avatar-to-avatar) customer service, and develop smart marketing plans exclusively for the simulated-society space.

QUALIFICATIONS: An MBA with a concentration in virtual consulting is required. Experience redesigning next-gen corporate training programs and university courses is a plus. Physical location flexible.

COMPENSATION: Determined on a project-by-project basis, but motivated individuals can earn $200,000+. Additional MMORPG-only compensation and barter negotiable.
Via Glitchoris.

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Tuesday, March 6, 2007

How To Pick Up Women, WoW-Style

A guide to picking up women, explicated in the jargon of "World of Warcraft."
The reason behind the need to approach an instance such as a bar with a group and not solo is simple, almost all women travel in packs, especially in an environment such as a bar. (of course there will be some women who go to bars by themselves, but these will be considered epic bosses due to the fact that they will most likely wtfown you if you make any mistake in pulling them. And its a sad thing to see a man out in the parking lot crying.) Therefore any man who attempts to solo a group of women will soon be either zoning out of the instance, or having to make a corpse run back to his dignity.

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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The Top Ten MMO Excuses

You've heard them all. Someone screws up a raid, or gets everyone killed at the end of an instance -- but there's always an excuse.

I've collected the top 10 MMO excuses, in the hope they can be retired forever. It won't happen -- but we can always hope, right?

If you're going to screw up in a game, at least think of new excuses, rather than trotting out one of these lame old-skool justifications.

10. I’m a n00b.
This isn’t an excuse – if you’re in the proper n00bie areas, and paying attention, your stupid mistakes shouldn’t affect anyone but you. But if you’re not just a n00b, but a howard – some 12-year-old kid lacking the emotional maturity to play “Wii Bowling,” much less an MMO, well, that’s no excuse either. Go play “Barbie Horse Adventures” until you're old enough to stop snickering at your own female avatar’s wiggling ass.

9. [Random Player] was supposed to give me [Random Buff] -- and the aggro got screwed!
The truth is, not receiving the proper support from your party members may be a legitimate reason for failure, not just a lame excuse. If the healer isn’t healing, the buffer isn’t buffing, and the brick isn’t pulling aggro, then you may get kacked no matter what you do. But far too often, players try to blame their own weaknesses on others. Don’t throw stones – if you weren’t pulling your own weight, then the failures of others aren’t an excuse.

8. Someone was spamming trade chat, and it distracted me.
Oh, please. If there’s not a way turn off general chat without losing party chat, then learn to ignore it. It’s called “concentration” – you can Google it.

7. Someone was at my door / I had to go pee. (tie)
Ah, the “IRL Defense.” Most real-life interruptions are not major life-threatening emergencies. They can probably wait until the end of a combat. And if you’re involved in a giant raid – well, geez dude, just plan ahead. Or maybe you can take up a game that requires less of a commitment. Like “Barbie Horse Adventures.”

6. My character was so much more powerful before the update / before he got nerfed.
Well, boo hoo. If your character got nerfed, it was probably too powerful in the first place. It’s called “game balance” – and since the game is supposed to be fun for everyone, and not just YOU, maybe you should quit your bitching and learn to play your character under the new rules.

5. My computer / video card / monitor is crap.
Well then, you have two solutions to this problem. First, find a second job / sugar daddy / winning lottery ticket, and get a better machine. Or second, alter your game play to fit the capabilities of your system. Plan ahead – choose a character with ranged attacks and spells that do damage over time. Get buffs that help other party members. Avoid direct involvement in combat. Set yourself to "follow" other players. And if your system is too weak to play a game, then don’t play it at all. Switch to "Barbie Horse Adventures."

4. “I’ve got chicken.”
When Leeroy Jenkins famously sabotaged a massive raid, his only excuse was “I’ve got chicken.” Of course, that’s not really an excuse; it’s more of a reason. He had chicken. That’s perfectly understandable, right?

3. I just wanted to see what would happen if I did that.
I’ve been overcome with the urge to do something monumentally stupid, just to see what would happen. And unlike say, climbing over the fence at the Grand Canyon or jumping down a garbage chute, conducting stupid experiments in a virtual world will not get you killed.

Just try your experiments on your own time, rather than when a party is depending on you.

2. That wasn’t me, my girlfriend was using my account.
Please. Like YOU have a girlfriend….

1. Lag!!!

If you have any other favorite MMO excuses, list them in the comments! There's no excuse not to! Heh heh.

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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Emotional Azerothians - Males - Part 2

See Part 1 of this post -- the ladies!

Ok, so I got around to posting them earlier than tomorrow! Behold the male /flirt and /silly.


Night Elf
  • I hope you're not afraid of snakes.
  • Wanna bring out the animal in me?
  • I'm a force of nature.
  • Baby, I'm mortal now. Time's a-wastin'!
  • You're an emerald dream come true.

  • Who wants to live forever?
  • What? I didn't hear that.
  • Last night I went to an awesome stag party.
  • I don't know about you but I can't understand a thing those Wisps say. I usually just nod.
  • I don't mind the gnomes but I'm always worried about tripping over one
  • Man I was halfway through the emerald dream when I had to pee.
  • You know those ancient protectors in Darnasus? They're not that old.
  • Gnome
  • Hey, nice apparatus.
  • I like large posteriors and I cannot prevaricate!
  • Everyone keeps talking about beer goggles. I can't find the plans
    for them anywhere!
  • I have a number of inventions I'd like to show you back at my place.
  • I do hope to find some interesting gadgets around here. I do love tinkering with things.
  • You know, I really wish I had a garden where I could put a couple of human statues.
  • I think that last vendor shortchanged me. Oh… oh... that was a bad one.
  • I look bigger in those mirrors where things look bigger.
  • I had an idea for a device where you could put small pieces of bread into it to cook, but in the end I really didn't think there would be much of a market for it.
  • I'd like to give a shout out to my boys in Gnomeregon. Keepin it real - Big T, Snoop Pup and Little Dee's. Y'all are short but you're real baby!
  • Dwarf
  • Where ya from? Not that it matters.
  • You look pretty, I like your hair, here's your drink. Are you ready
  • Enough of this chit chat. Let's get to it then!
  • You'd like to run your hands through my beard, wouldn't ya?
  • Let's get on with it then. I've got a quest to do in 15 minutes.

  • I like my beer like I like my women; stout and bitter.
  • I don't drink anymore. Course I don't drink any less either.
  • Heigh ho… heigh ho … errr… uh… Second verse, same as the first!
  • I don't have a drinkin' problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!
  • Oh, I'm just a social drinker. Everytime someone says "I'll have a drink" I say "So shall I!"
  • ::Rip:: Oh... I'm havin' a wardrobe malfunction ::spring sound:: … Oooh.. There's me hammer!
  • Ah, Winter… Yes... Winter.
  • Human
  • Hey babycakes!
  • How ya doin?
  • You're tag's showing. It says .. uh.. "made in heaven."
  • Are you tired? Cause you've been running through my mind all day!
  • If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me?
  • What's your sign?
  • A duck walked in to an apothecary and he said "Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill."
  • So, an orc walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says "Hey, where'd ya get that?" The parrot says "Durotar! They got em all over the place"
  • How does a Tauren hide in a cherry tree? He paints his hooves red.
  • A guy walked up to me and said "I'm a tee pee… I'm a wigwam … I'm a tee pee … I'm a wigwam!" I said "Relax man. You're two tents!"
  • Cover for me! I gotta whiz behind a tree.
  • So, I have this idea for a great movie. It's about two gnomes who find a bracelet of power and they have to take it to the Burning Steppes and cast it into the Cauldron. They form the Brotherhood of the Bracelet.
    Along the way they're trailed by a Murloc named Gottem who's obsessed with the bracelet, and nine bracelet boogey men. It could be a three parter called "Ruler of the Bracelet." The first part would be called "The Brotherhood of the Bracelet" followed by "A Couple of Towers", with a climactic ending called "Hey the Kings Back!"
  • Draenei
  • You know, I had a girlfriend but I lost her in the crash. That is the bad news. The good news is I AM AVAILABLE!
  • You know, what happens in Shadowmoon Valley stays in Shadowmoon Valley…
  • Would you be offended if I said you have a beautiful transgoto. The
    other one? Ooh hoo. That's not bad either.
  • I will now speak words of love to you in the language of our people…
    Oongwa Awgwau Eghee egleaahaec.

  • I love this planet. I come here, I see cow and chicken and ride little horses. This planet has everything.
  • We did not realize, but in our language Exodar means "defective Electurd."
  • You know, our tails add to our natural balance and agility -- ::CRASH::
  • We have it all figured out. Step one. We land the Exodar. Step three, we defeat Legion and go home. There is ony one detail missing…
  • When we arrived here I lost many jewels that had been in my family for generations. If you could get your hands on my family jewels, I would be deeply appreciative.
  • What do you mean there's an octopus on my face?
  • Troll
  • We trolls mate for life. Course, we believe in frequent reincarnation.
  • Want some of my jungle love?
  • I hope you're well rested. You're going to need your strength.
  • You look pretty. Pretty tasty!

  • I heard if you cut off an extremity it will regenerate a little bigger. Don't believe it.
  • Cookin's done. Stew here!
  • New Troll here.
  • I got a shrunken head. I just came out a da pool.
  • I like my women dumpy and droopy with halitosis.
  • Orc
  • This is true love. Do you think this happens every day?
  • I love you like a fat kid loves cake.
  • Um… you look like a lady.
  • Lady from the moment I see you I … I did not expect to get this far…
  • That armor looks good on you. It would also look good on my floor.
  • You have six different smiles. One for when you're angry, one for
    when you tear flesh, one for when you chew flesh, one for when you loot bodies, one for when you skin game, and one for when you want to kill something.
  • I will crush and destroy and …. ooooh shiny!
  • It's not easy being green.
  • Orc smash!
  • Stop poking me! Well… that was OK.
  • Man, Dog, it's like I'm feelin you but I’m not feelin' you...
    Ya know?
  • I come from the orcs. We eat with spoons and forks. We love to eat our pork.
  • Blood Elf
  • Hey.. Why don't you come over here and … OOH… watch the
  • Want to see my good side? Muhahaha... That was a trick question. All
    I have are good sides.
  • Your eyes are like the Sunwell. Before the explosion that doomed us all, of course.
  • You look almost as good as I do.
  • You know what I love about your eyes? When I look deep enough, I can see my own reflection.
  • I know every rose has it's thorn but if you would just pour some sugar on me we could rock and roll all night and party every day.
  • Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot… like.. me?
  • I'm trying to cut back on arcane magic. Look, I got the patch!
  • The problem with these Horde characters is that they lack sophistication.
  • So I was in line at the bat handler yesterday, with some undead guy in front of me, and all of a sudden he just lets one go. Didn't even try to disguise it! I don't know what he ate but it did NOT agree with him. I thought, what crawled up YOU and died!?
  • We're allied with the Tauren!? Fantastic! We'll be having steak twice a week.
  • ::sigh:: I could really use a scrunchie. Yeah you heard me!
  • Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to … ghewwww… just give me some freakin magic before I kill somebody!
  • Undead
  • You have beautiful skin. No maggot holes at all.
  • Don't mind the drool. It's just embalming fluid.
  • I don't smell that bad for a dead dude, do I?
  • If rot was hot, I'd be a volcano.
  • Check my breath. ::blow out:: Is it bad enough for you?
  • Once you go dead, you never go back.

  • Hey diddle diddle the mucas and the spittle. The corpse sank in the lagoon. The murloc said ::lick chops:: and the dwarf spanked the babboon.
  • I can't stand the smell of orcs.
  • I'm dead…. and I’m pissed!
  • Anyone have any odorant? Either wet dog, fresh garbage or low tide would do.
  • Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I'm dead and color blind.
  • Tauren
  • Are you comfortable with complicated machinery?
  • Hey, you into leather?
  • Hey, you work out?
  • You mooove me.
  • You know, older bulls really only have one function…
  • Free rides, for the ladies.

  • Here's the beef!
  • Mess with the bull, you get the horns!
  • You know, Taurens are born hunters. You ever see a Tauren catch a
    salmon out of a stream? Really is quite exciting. Have you ever seen a Tauren stalk a python? 'Course you haven't. That's because Taurens are so adept at blending in with their surroundings.
  • Moo! Are you happy now?
  • Homogenized? No way. I like the ladies!
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    Emotional Azerothians - Females - Part 1

    Check out part 2 of this article -- the gentlemen!

    I recently spent about 5 hours and sifted through every race/gender to collect all of the /silly and /flirt in WoW.

    Below is the compilation of the Females. I will post Males tomorrow. ENJOY!


    Night Elf
  • I'm the type of girl my mother warned me about.
  • Sure, I've got exotic peircings.
  • There's nothing like sleeping in the forest under the moonlight.
  • Actually I'm more of a morning elf.
  • I think guys just use the Emerald Dream as an excuse to avoid calling me back.
  • You know, Wisps are actually pretty useful for personal hygene.
  • Oh I'm dancing again! I hope all your friends are enjoying the show.
  • You know I have to keep moving at night or I'll disapear.
  • Gnome
  • Your ability to form a complete sentence is a plus.
  • At this time I think you should purchase me an alchoholic beverage and engage in diminutive conversation with me in hopes of establishing a rapport.
  • I do not find you completely disagreeable.
  • I don't feel the 1 to 10 scale is fine enough to capture subtle details of compatibility. I'd prefer a 12 dimensional compatibility scale with additional parameters for mechanical aptitude and torque.
  • You are CUUUUTE.
  • You know, squirrels can be deadly when cornered.
  • I apologize profusely for any inconvenience my murderous rampage may have caused.
  • I've discovered that being pummeled by a blunt weapon can be quite painful.
  • Someday, I hope to find the nuggets on a chicken.
  • Dwarf
  • I like tall men.
  • Enough with your flirting. I know you think all dwarven women look the
  • I'll have you know I can flatten steel with my thighs.
  • I'd like to see you in a kilt.
  • I won't fall for any bad pick up line. You got to try 2 or 3 at least.
  • No, they're not real but thanks for noticing.
  • It's like my father always use to say -- shut up and get out.
  • I like my ale like I like my men -- dark and rich.
  • I give myself a dutch oven pedicure every night. I've got no foot fungus at all. My toes are pristine.
  • My uncle has brass balls. No really!
  • I don't like to be underground. It reminds me of death.
  • Human
  • I need a hero.
  • ::giggle:: You've got me all a flutter.
  • My turn offs are rude people, mean people and people who aren't nice.
  • I can't wait 'til this quest is done and I can look for another Garibaldi artifact.
  • I like to fart in the tub.
  • I can't find anywhere to get my nails done.
  • Why does everyone automatically assume I know tailoring and cooking?
  • Do you ever feel like you're not in control of your own destiny? Like, you're being controlled by invisible hands�?�
  • Me and my girlfriends exchange clothes all the time. We're all the same
  • Sometimes I have trouble controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!
  • Draenei
  • The nights are so chilly on this planet.
  • Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Good, bring ample supply of butter and Goblin Jumper Cables.
  • Yes they are real AND they can cut glass.
  • This planet has a tremendous supply of sandstone. The inhabitants must be wealthy beyond their dreams.
  • How exactly do you crash into a planet? That's what I want to know.
  • Why does everyone have trouble with the name of our people? It sounds just like it is spelled.
  • Stop and ask for directions I told him but NO... It's interdimensional, he says, what can go wrong?
  • Look at my hoof! Does this crack look infected to you?
  • Single Draenei female seeks blacksmith with grinding wheel to take care of me and my gorgeous hooves.
  • Troll
  • When enraged, and in heat, a female troll can mate over 80 times in one night. Are you prepared?
  • You're the type I like to sink my teeth into.
  • I won't bite you where it shows.
  • Aren't you going to ask me out?
  • I know, my natural beauty is intimidating.
  • I got all this and personality too.
  • If cannibalism be wrong, I don't want to be right!
  • The way to a man's heart be through his stomach, but I go through the ribcage.
  • I feel pretty, oh so pretty... ::spit::
  • Strong halitosis be but one of my feminine traits.
  • Orc
  • You had me at "zug zug."
  • Don't talk, just follow me.
  • I'll give you crazy love.
  • Let's not ruin this moment with chit chat.
  • I like men who aren't afraid to cry. Cry UNCLE!
  • You'll do. Let's go!
  • Get between me and my food and you'll lose a hand.
  • I have no respect for people with small peircings. I say go full hog. Put a spear through your head.
  • Man, I think that boar meat's comin' back on me. I gotta hit the can. Anyone have a hearthstone?
  • What's estrogen? Can you eat it?
  • ::sigh: Aww... I need to get my chest waxed again.
  • I feel very feminine, and I'll be the crap out of anyone who disagrees!
  • Blood Elf
  • I'm the girl the ESRB warned you about.
  • No... No I won't do that -- but my sister will.
  • I'm addicted to you baby.
  • Is that a mana worm in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
  • Do you believe in love at first site or should I walk by again?
  • My mana tap brings all the boys to the yard!
  • Normally I only ride on epic mounts but let's talk.
  • Do you think the expansion will make me fat?
  • I hate Thunder Bluff. You can't find a good burger anywhere!
  • So you mean I'm stuck with this hair color?
  • Mirrors can't talk. Luckily for you they can't laugh either.
  • I went to Undercity to get a facial. Have you seen these people? I said, you don't have a lower jaw and you're gonna give ME a facial? She got mad. At least, I think she did. You ever heard someone try to talk without a lower jaw? ::noises:: Ha ha...Oh... she SOUNDED like a murloc!
  • So, I went to this troll spa the other day and I wound up with dreadlocks and a friggin' bone in my nose. I mean, come ON, who pays for that!?
  • How can I miss you if you don't go away?
  • Undead
  • Nice butt.
  • I don't need to get funky, I'm already there.
  • I don't care that much about romance. I fell in love before and look what happened to me.
  • I can't wait to suck the juice out of your eyeballs.
  • Us undead girls really know how to have a good time because after all, what's the worst that could happen?
  • One good thing about being dead? Biological cloc seems to have stopped.
  • I heard a kneeslapper once, and skipped my kneecap right across a lake
  • This stinks.
  • I'd paint my toenails, but I'm not sure where they fell off.
  • Ahhhh doornails!
  • You know, once you're dead nothing smells bad anymore. Rotten eggs? No problem. Dead fish? Like a spring breeze!
  • I'm in a rotten mood.
  • You don't need deodorant when you don't have any armpits.
  • Yes, they're real! They're not mine�?� but they're real!
  • Tauren
  • Come over here, sailor.
  • Wanna see some good clog dancing?
  • I'm tired of the same old bull.
  • I've got big soulful eyes, long eyelashes and a wet tongue. What more could a guy want?
  • I want a man with soft hands. Preferably four of them.
  • You know how hard it is to get your groove on with the spirit of your great grandmother looking over you?
  • Happy Taurens come from Mulgore.
  • I once laughed so hard I milked all over the floor.
  • In my native tongue, my name means "Dances With Tassles."

  • Check out part 2 of this article -- the gentlemen!

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    Monday, February 26, 2007

    Runing Naked Through Hillsbrad & Arathi

    My Blood Elf Warlock, Verthandi, got the succubus quest in the Undercity.

    The first thing you have to do is go collect the hearts of two virtuous men. One of them hangs out at the Greymane Wall in Silverpine Forest, which is a pain in the ass because the area is chock full of level 20 humans, wolves and lycanthropes, plus a nasty 24th-level Son of Arugal that enjoys attacking from behind. Plus the guy you have to kill takes a really, really long time to respawn.

    After I killed him, I had to walk all the way to the frickin' Wetlands to find the second time. This means you have to run all the way through the redundantly-named Hillsbrad Foothills, and halfway through the Arathi Highlands (I suspect that "arathi" is the Elvish word for "highland"). Parts of both these areas are inhabited by nasty 30th level mobs, and even if I stuck to the roads, I was likely to get attacked and killed.

    So I just decided to sprint for it. And to keep my armor and possessions from getting damaged in an attack, I did it naked.

    Here's Verthandi, running naked through the Hillsbrad Foothills, not long after stripping naked and leaving Silverpine Forest.

    Look! Thoradin's Wall!

    These Alliance losers are staring at my sweet young body. There were a number of rude comments from passersby.

    Running, running, running.

    Here I am standing in front of the Thandol Span, just before reaching my objective. I was only killed three times!

    Back in the Undercity, I have slain myself a succubus!

    And here I am with my new best friend! I call her Kitten (as in "Kitten with a Whip").

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    Friday, February 23, 2007

    The Many Adventures of A. Dora Belle

    Dora sings: My name is DoraBelle ... My minions? Straight from hell. Don't mess with this doll, pink hair and all. I'm a gnome and I'm proud and I sing out loud. MY NAME IS DORABELLE .... my minions? Straight from hell!
    Hey there all you Azerothian explorers! My name is A. Dora Belle (friends call me Dora).

    I will be travelling the world of Azeroth looking for fun and exciting things to bring back to YOU, my avid exploring friends!

    Today, I visited the chilly city of Anvilmar. Upon my arrival, I was greeted by one of my cousins ...

    .... At least, I think he's my cousin... I mean, I haven't done the appropriate genetic research on it yet however, I've been told there is some kind of family connection. Have you ever seen someone that looks like THIS be a cousin with someone who looks like me!? I think Professor TinkleTop needs to design some sort of gadget that detects the molecular structure of genetic ..... Oh, you're still here!? RIGHT... RIGHT.. my adventures....

    Anyway, my cousin informed me that some puppies in the area were causing damage to the property. He wanted me to go kill the puppies and bring the meat back to him for dinner. What a MONSTER!!! How could puppies cause THAT much damage to the property? It's made of STONE. Well, he was very forceful about it (I still have the bruise) So... I had to do his bidding...

    /wipes tear from her eye

    Poor puppy!

    While I was out being a nasty gnome.... a group of Troggs decided to come say hi.

    My milkshake brings all the Troggs to the yard!

    It was all OK until they started showing me THEIR milkshakes ... so I bolted!

    I handed in the evil meat (The blood... I can still ... smell... the BLOOD!!) and decided to go into the city for a little R&R.

    I sat down next to a dwarfy and we began having a GREAT conversation about Quantum Physics (although, dwarfy was kind of shy and didn't talk much..) Then, he piped in with an invitation to drink with him.

    Well... when in ROME!

    Unfortunately things got a TAD out of hand

    I ended up being walked out by the gaurds.

    What a fun day in Anvilmar!! Next stop: IRONFORGE

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    Thursday, February 15, 2007

    Happy Valentine's Day! Eg Elska Thig!

    Click to enlarge (pops).

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    Friday, February 9, 2007

    Sylvanas Windrunner and the Runnettes!

    Verthandi with Sylvanas Windrunner, Royal Quarter, Undercity. 2-9-07 3:13am.

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    Wednesday, February 7, 2007

    Hey! That Chick's Not Wearing Underwear!

    Verthandi at Tranquillien, Ghostlands. 2-7-07 6:47pm PST.

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    If IRL Were An MMO....

    Here's a funny column over at
    It’s Monday morning an you stroll into work, late as usual, greet your fellow co-workers and head to your desk. Out of nowhere some guy from a different department you’ve never seen before runs up and starts punching you and is quickly joined by two of his buddies. You’ve been working at your job a lot longer so none of the punches land and you easily kill two of them before the other runs off cursing about how you cheated. You squat over your assailants and do the running man dance and throw in a bit of ‘the Robot’ for good measure to insure that they are suitably humiliated. Before heading off you loot them for whatever office supplies they had on them to sell to some of the new guys.


    Wednesday, January 31, 2007

    If WoW Were Made By A Korean Company

    Someone called "meteo" on the fora has posted a list called "If WoW Was [sic] Made By A Korean Company."

    The jokes are hit or miss, but some are pretty funny...
    If WoW was made by a Korean company... almost everybody would have a cute little pet.
    If WoW was made by a Korean company... there would be many grammatical errors and typos in its text.
    If WoW was made by a korean company... it would be marketed and advertised to preteens.
    If WoW was made by a korean company... it would have two versions, the Korean version and the "International Version." The International Version would be used strictly to fund and add content to the Korean Version.
    If WoW was made by a korean company... PVP would consist of two individuals. -- the LONGEST PLAYING PLAYER vs THE PLAYER WITH MONEY.
    If wow was made by a Korean Company... female character models would have chests larger than their heads, with plenty of detail and animation around that area.
    If wow was made by a Korean Company... the emotes would not be performed by your character, rather a chat bubble would pop up with a "cutsie" anime face performing the emotion.
    If wow was made by a Korean Company... there would be three hair styles, three colors, and three face styles.

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    Wednesday, January 24, 2007

    GameDaily's "Women of WoW" -- Separated at Birth?

    GameDaily has a hilarious little feature comparing the female avatars of "World of Warcraft" with real-life celebrity counterparts.

    I think Draenei females are damn not, though I wonder if Charlize Theron would appreciate the comparison. And Natalie Portman as a gnome? That's just not cool.

    A troll female and Pink -- separated at birth?

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    Wednesday, January 17, 2007

    Ten Things to Do While Waiting for WoW to Patch

    1.) Make a tangy three-bean soup.
    2.) Take care of your calluses and corns.
    3.) Prevent carpal tunnel syndrome.
    4.) Carve a gourd into a birdhouse.
    5.) Make a starship Enterprise out of a floppy disk.
    6.) Learn to read Old Icelandic.
    7.) Annotate your copy of “Moby Dick,” paying special attention to passages that support the theme of “the deceptiveness of fate.”
    8.) Give yourself a home henna tattoo.
    9.) Give yourself a home real tattoo.
    10.) Experience spitirual enlightenment by drilling a hole in your own head.

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